Archive for June, 2006

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if people’s behaviour irks you, read.

Monday, June 26th, 2006

singaporeans are consistently complaining about other people's behaviour.

kpkping about couples hugging on the trains, kpkping about bloggers using profanities, kpkping about all kinds of shit. i'm actually in no position to say whether they are right or not… but no, everyone else must think they are so smart and post their freaking thoughts on the forums, for what… so that everyone else can be swayed into the same train of thoughts? so that people can nod and you can feel better for your sorry self?

i know its quite lame that i myself cannot stand this shit and i'm kpkping about these people. but just allow me to indulge for one post, so that the people around me might understand me better.

i've learnt one thing - that there are all sorts of morons in this world. i'm sorry i'm using the word "moron" but for illustrative purposes i shall use the word in a rather loose definition.

i define "moron" here as someone who is capable of doing things that i can never in my whole lifetime, (extrapolated from the incident time) ever try to understand. an example of a moron would be someone whose family earns crapshits that they are struggling on economic rice everyday, but then that moron goes all out to buy, say a LV bag. yup.. i see many of you nodding your heads.

ok how about this… i also define a moron as someone who tailgates me when i drive. ahh… suddenly i see less people nodding. and while we are on the subject. i wish to announce to all you tailgating fucks that if i EVER have all the goddamn time in the world. and you tailgate me, and its not the best day of my life… i'll fucking slam the breaks and make you die in your car. and then i'll go to your family and ask for damage compensation for my boot. troublesome? yes. but i have all the time in the world. to rid the world of one useless moron at no extra cost is probably better than sex.

so back to the point. morons are everywhere by your own standard. i have my morons, you have your morons. for some reason, i'm probably a moron to you, and it could be all for something silly, you know. like maybe, i don't wear a watch, i like to play computer games for 6 hours straight. i've met enough weirdos to conclude that for every 'normal' person you meet, there's a polar opposite somewhere else. the law of polarity.

all of us living in singapore, we are more or less confined to a streamlined set of ideals we accept. probably 80% of us think that chatting up strangers at the busstop is moronic. but there is still a 20% which i shall address as 'minority'. judging from my visual experience, only 60% think that cutting queues is moronic. so this proves that you're probably a moron for something in somebody's eyes.

if we were all to skew everyone's mentality into a fine streamline by complaining on the forums, we will get a society that is too streamlined. according to darwin evolution theory, that cannot happen. as there has to always be a balance of organisms (ie. a moron and his polar moron) for natural selection and evolution to take place. thus the people who are complaining on the forums are indirectly spurring on the extermination of the human race. (which is quite scary, cos cockroaches will take over the world)

anyway, what i really wanted to say, in a serious way, is "cool it". as much as you are irked by all these weird shit, so am i. but don't think that you are ever in a position to judge. the people you are trying to change is not going to listen to you just because "i don't understand their behaviour". the ahbeng ahlian is not going to be like "oh got people say they dunno why we kiss in the train. i think we should not kiss."

understand that people are different from you and that is the reason for you not understanding them. if it pains you to see, close your eyes. if it pains you to hear, walk somewhere else. if it pains you to smell, ditto. if all else fails, come and tailgate me next time.

people say that i'm a patient and non-invasive person. its not difficult to understand why.

Posted in 2cents | 4 Comments »

as i reached for my gun.

Friday, June 23rd, 2006

the following is a story that happened to me this morning. Haha i'm trying to write it like some novel!

—

The train grinded to a halt in the middle of the tunnel, letting out an eerie howl into the darkness. As the commuters struggled for balance and held on to whatever their flailing arms could reach, Ian was rudely jolted from his sleep.

He did not enjoy a good rest the previous night. Fighting bad dreams and the cold of the night, he remembered writhing in bed and checking the clock. It read 5:33am. In what seemed like mere minutes later, his handphone alarm sounded. 7:30am, wakey wakey. And now I can't even enjoy a little nap on the train, he grumbled to himself. At the corner of his eye, Ian thought he saw a zombie. Great. Hallucinations, he grumbled again.

He checked the time on his handphone instinctively and frowned. The train was taking an awfully long time. On a normal day he would already be walking the last stretch to the office by now. Today was not a normal day, as he wondered what the hold-up was all about.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the overhead announcement boomed alive, as though reading his mind. It was the train operator, not the usual coo of a female recorded voice. "Next stop, Novena. Please be reminded that the floors are wet. Passengers, please alight with caution."

The train started crawling out of its spot again. Before it could proceed more than a hundred metres, the operator had called on the brakes again. This time the stop came with a bigger jerk. As sudden as the train stopped, it accelerated towards the next station. A woman in the next car fell.

Ian heaved a frustrated sigh. He was about to mutter out words of displeasure when the operator gave a second announcement. "Ladies and gentlemen, please proceed with caution. The station is flooded."

Images of a station in chaos inside his mind were halfly confirmed as the train approached The Green Station. 10 or so workers were in various degrees of squating, drying off the floors and squeezing the water into buckets, as a supervisor beckoned them to hasten their efforts. The giant glass doors were wet from a spray five minutes ago, little droplets of drain water trickling down the vertical incline. A worker wearing army fatigues was climbing up a ladder into the ceiling, scanning the viscinity with a flashlight.

The train finally came to a rest. There was a pause. Longer than usual, he was getting used to it.

When the doors finally opened, he felt a gush of unwelcomed warm air from the failed air conditioning rush into the passenger cars. It was followed by the rusty stench of drainwater, as images of his army days flashed across. A man standing a metre away cowered his nose into his tee-shirt, choosing instead his own familiar odour for his oldfactory senses.

And then he saw it. 10 metres. Half left.

He felt his left hand slide into his slingbag, searching wildly. Jacket, book, documents, not what he wanted. He looked up and it was gone. Frantically he searched, his left hand banging about the walls of the Nike bag he bought two weeks ago.

His fingers finally hit gold and wasted no time. His palm slipped into place around that familiar feel of metal. Rounding his fingers around the weapon, his index finger found its place at the trigger, ready to deliver death at his command. He kept a straight face, lest everyone starts panicking, he reminded himself. All those years of training were finally being put to use.

Ian's eyes darted around the station hoping to find his foe into his sights. The supervisor was barking at the workers now. There were people hauling a slab of concrete floor that led to the sewerage. Probably where the flood had came from.

He gave a hard blink and brought himself back into focus. Where was it!?

"Doors closing."

His fingers around the weapon gave a firmer grip, feeling into the warm sensation they had given it just a moment ago.

The usual 7 beeps sounded in quick succession.

Ian took in a hard breath. Any time now.

With a subtle hiss of pressurised air, the metal doors started closing. His eyes focusing onto the remaining path of space between himself and the exterior of the car. The task was actually getting easier every moment, yet his shoulder muscles became more tense by the moments.

When the rubber linings clamped together with a thud, Ian finally relaxed his grip and removed his hand from the bag. A couple noticed his hand had been inside for some time and gave him a puzzled glare. He brushed it off.

The train once again crawled to motion. As he whizzed past the shiny floors of the station, he prayed silently that there be not a same experience for the remaining stations…

Posted in everyday | 3 Comments »

singapore television sucks.

Thursday, June 22nd, 2006

yay more verbal diarrohoea for ahboo to digest!

singapore idol 2… a show i wouldn't really have bothered if not for jonathan leong (vote him k? he's a friend and he's not as stuckup as many think, but more on that next time)… so why wouldn't i normally bothere about idol 2? because its a singaporean show. and experience would have told you (particularly the english channel, i dunno much about chinese shows) that singaporean shows suck.

ok lah i know jon leong wasn't in this episode. i was watching tonite's episode to see that meryl (my taiwanese porn star, according to charsiew) gets in.. but surprise surprise… she didn't. but don't worry i think its because people have been mentioning in the forums that whoever the judges complement straightaway got into the next round… i mean it kinda makes you think the results and everything were rigged right? i mean, we are living in a country where the ruling government party can change electorial borders leh… why cannot? everything gangster also can. as long as media say so, can liao!

so anyway i'm pretty sure they also rig meryl to get in thru the wildcard show one. its just so that they can be like "oh. don't think i say you good means you in huh!" budden it is still the case of "i say you good means you get in"… just a matter of when, ie next week.

moving on, watchin this evening's episode just served to confirm that singaporean tv is gone case, and the reasons so clear.

firstly, the judges. i know too many things have been said about these 4 clowns but i still must say. but i won't go and say like "wah lau they all damn lame lah.. always say the same thing… nothing new"… i won't say them these because i admit… singapore society. people is not make for showbiz one… ask all these noobs talk in front of live tv.. only gurmit sink and daniel oink can do it.

but but but! i must condemn Penis Lee. that asshole like to comment people's nice attire and hair and say "but this is not a hair competition. it is a singing competition"… then later when someone sing not bad he never praise people's singing, and then condemn people's dressing and image as their downfall.

– warning next paragraph a lot of profanities one! close your eyes, everyone!

fuck you lah! why the fucking double standard? not say that i'm defending those people. i dun really care who gets in… but you! i fucking can't stand people who tell people one thing and then do something else. reminds me of lots of fucking loser regulars in the army. it is the ultimate hypocracy and its so fucking blatant you fucking deserve to get fucked in the anus. but oh… you already are.. oops.

– ok can open ler

so thats done for the judges. next is the incompetency of the hosts… daniel is pretty much passive so i won't say anything about him. but gurmit just plain sucks. i really wonder why he is still in show business. probably because he is just like singapore's tom hanks. anything also just get him to do.

whats with all that "who do you think will get thru to the next round" like 5 times… you just like to hear the girls scream random names so many times rite… be a professional and dun irritate the shit out of everyone… you look at the contestants faces they are like "ahh fuck you lah kermit"… i'm sure a pretty large portion of the home audiece were thinking the same thing. i won't even discuss about the number of commercial breaks just thrown in for the fun of it.

and then you try to create some "suspense" by saying "it is! it is! it is! it is!"… you know you sound like a bloody dying grandfather in hospital trying to reveal the name of the person who stabbed him…

which brings me to my next point : condecendence. it is everywhere in singapore. gurmit addresses the audience like a bunch of primary school kids. everything else in singapore must be done in such a one-step-one-step fashion. a loser in office cannot trust 4 disinterested individuals with CONFIDENTIAL documents and insist on data entry room door open.

see where i am getting to? singaporeans are just born with the mentality that with the slightest difference in power level comes absolute control. i tell you what to do, step by step. i bathe your lan jiao and clean your backside. i read in the papers… some english teacher was complaining how when we talk to our kids we always speak in noob-english "mummy go eat" instead of "mummy is going out to eat lunch"… and its not just the kids we do it to.

have you realise that when you talk to people who seem "of an inferior english standard quality"… i.e. the foreigners from countries like india, vietnam blah blah… you become this person who speaks in key-words instead of proper english so that they can understand better? so we are treating these people like kids huh. and then when we talk to caucasians we start all the fucking fake accents and try to be one of them. why? because this time we picture ourselves being looked down upon.

condecendence is everywhere here. you might not see it so obviously. but i can. and its intrinsic in our daily activities. i myself am guilty of it.. but i am pretty much aware and try to change.

singaporeans… for everyones sake. wake up your damn idea. stop being fake shits. and stop thinking you own the world just because you have this slight bit of power. you don't. i do. and i don't need any power.

Posted in 2cents, everyday | 1 Comment »

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